I have received my intelligence reports on yesterday's illegal home invasion that resulted in the deaths of my sons. I am proud to say that they died doing what they do best: Raping a villager from a nearby town.

I just hope it was a woman for once.

----------Mike Thompson, Detroit Free Press

A reader calling himself (or herself--I can't tell without personally checking the parts) theorizes that while Uday may have survived that initial bombing back in March, he did, in fact, lose an eye. That would mean that the eyeball I've been carrying around was indeed his!

That's certainly possible--also a lot less disgusting than carrying some stranger's eyball around. There was a lot of confusion amidst the rubble, debris, and assorted body parts at the time.

It occurs to me that with an eyepatch, Uday would have looked just like Johnny Depp in that new pirate movie.