Monday, July 28, 2003

So I'm driving along the Iraq Turnpike--formerly the Saddam Turnpike--in my '73 Chevy Vega with the fuzzy dice gently swinging back & forth from the rearview mirror when I come to a tollbooth. Since the 3rd Infantry Armored Division is practically right my rear bumper, I'm in just a bit of a hurry. I decide to get in the exact change lane.

Naturally enough, it turns out the guy in front of me doesn't have the exact change. Now I ask you, dear reader and devoted Saddam minion: Why does this only happen when I'm in a hurry!?!? It never happens when I'm on my way to something like a wedding or a massacre that wouldn't dare start without me. No, it only happens when I'm genuinely rushed.

Well, being a type A personality, it goes without saying that I blew my horn at the idiot. And what does he do?

He flips me off!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, this was not smartest decision this moron ever made in his suddenly abbreviated life.

Seriously: It is not wise to make obscene gestures towards other drivers, especially when you're the one who is in the wrong. You have no idea who that other person is. I mean, how would you feel if you later find out you just flipped your dear sweet grandmother the bird? Of course you'd feel bad! That's understandable. But I'm betting you wouldn't feel quite as bad as you would upon discovering that you just told a ruthless, homicidal, world-famous dictator who routinely carries a rocket propelled grenade launcher in his glovebox, and is desperately fleeing for his life, to go go f*ck himself.

I'm betting you would feel real REAL bad upon learning that.

Needless to say, I'm now scraping the other guy's bady parts off my windshield.