Earlier I went into a 7-11 and bought a pack of cigarettes (Yes, I smoke. I had actually quit a few years ago at the urging of my now ex-wife Jennifer Lopez. But until then, I used to smoke like a burning oil field. Recent stressful events in my life, however, have driven me back to it). So the clerk gives me my change, but it's obviously counterfeit!! So I said "HEY!! What's with the fake Dinars?" And the little weasel explains that's what the NEW Dinars are like: No more pictures of "that Saddam guy" on them."

Then I realized all the other customers, including a squad of American GI's who were buying camel jerky, were staring at me, so I put the clerk back down and released my grip on his throat. I'm still trying to get the hang of this being a woman thing, and lifting people off the ground with one arm, slicing their throats open, and ripping their insolent tongues out is apparently considered unladylike around here.

Oh, and in case you're wondering what brand I smoke.... Camels, of course.