Wednesday, November 05, 2003

I saw Matrix: Revolutions this afternoon. Caught the very first showing of it at 5 PM our time. Quite frankly, I'm not sure of the logic behind opening it worldwide at 9 AM EST (United States time). That was already 2 AM at the International Dateline, which is the number I always call for dates with foreign chicks. Why does everything always have to revolve around New York? Why couldn't it open at, say, 9 AM Tikrit time? Once again, the scheduling of this movie is yet another example of the United States imposing its will upon the rest of the world.

Anyway, I was surprised the theater wasn't more crowded. I'm guessing most people were at home working on car bombs. The movie was quite good; certainly much better than Matrix: Rebooted, or whatever the hell the second one was called. The only part that really dragged was towards the end, when Neo and Trinity have a sappy "I love you; No, I love you more" scene. This, of course, is going on even as people are being slaughtered by the thousands in Zion.

Such drivel.

But the theater experience, as always, disgusted me. First of all, I kept having to change seats every ten minutes to foil my pursuers. But then I also had to put with crying babies (who the hell brings a frikkin' baby to an R-rated film!?!), crunching popcorn, peoples' heads blocking the screen, crinkling cellophane wrappers, broken seats, and kids tossing Raisonettes at one another. Even worse, at one point, my combat boots got stuck to the damn floor!! Then again, I have to accept the fact that Iraq is still essentially a third world country; I'm sure movie theaters in a fully developed nation like the United States are much nicer.

So I do recommend the film, provided you've seen the first two. Otherwise, you'll be as lost as the American intelligence services.

And yes, the fight scenes--as always--are great. They should be, since I'm the one who taught Keanu Reeves all those fancy martial arts moves. Especially the parts where they cartwheel across the ceiling (gravity is for sissies).

And before you ask: No, we never dated.