I just heard something so absolutely hilarious I thought I'd share with you, my many loyal readers yearning to be oppressed and brutalized. It seems the United States has been training about 50 Iraqis who will eventually become the civilian leaders of Iraq's new military. And if that's not funny enough, the US further expects to develop a "strategic alliance" with this new Iraqi army!!

On what frikkin' planet? Because that certainly is NOT going to happen here on Earth. Oh, I know!! Maybe the Americans are anticipating this fairy tale alliance to occur on that recently discovered new planet, Sedna.

Speaking of planets, have you heard about this rare planetary alignment that's taking place this week? Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn are all visible at night now. Even more incredible, they're all in a straight line with Earth. This amazing celestial show will not occur again until 2040, which coincidentally is the same year I expect to achieve world domination.

Now I know what some of you out there are saying. "If I set you up on a date with my sister, will you promise not to torture me?" And others among you asking, "Well, having the six inner planets all lined up like that is quite interesting, Saddam, but where's Uranus?"

It's right here between my butt cheeks, you idiot!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!