---------------Mike Thompson, Detroit Free-Press

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One of the things that has most bothered me over the past year were the accusations that I "looted" my country. Frankly, that never made sense to me. I mean, it's my country, right? And I was.... Er, AM the absolute dictator of Iraq, right? So how can I loot that which is already mine?

I have no qualms about being accused of brutality, political repression, and the occasional act of mass genocide here and there, but don't be impugning my honesty. That's just not right, and I won't stand for it. Rest assured that after the other charges against me are dropped, I will be filing a lawsuit for libel against the United States.

And you know what the kicker is in all this? George Bush has my pistol in his trophy case in the Oval Office!!!

So who's looting from whom now?