War is a nasty business. You go into a much smaller country thinking, hey, that was easy. The next thing you know, you're getting your ass handed to you on a platter. I learned that lesson the hard way in Kuwait, and now Mr. Bush has learned it in Iraq. Oh, perhaps not militarily, but in the all important court of Arab public opinion, the Americans have been dealt a horrible defeat. Nothing they do at this point, no amount of rationalization, and no fancy-schmancy explanations can change the irrevocable fact that they have lost the hearts and minds of not only the Iraqi people, but of the entire middle east.

One case in point is the business at the prison: Sure, the things I did there were much crueler and gruesome than anything the amateurish Americans could come up with. And certainly the things the insurgents have done to some of the bodies of dead Americans have been both horrible and inexcusable. But the thing to keep in mind is that no one expects us to behave in a civilized manner. We're supposed to be barbaric beyond words! We're the ones who have no respect for international law! Everyone in the world knows that, and consequently nothing we do surprises anyone.

The United States, on the other hand, is the one who's always preaching about the Geneva Conventions, and the rules of war, and how they expect their enemies to treat American POW's with the same care and respect that the U.S. gives to its captured enemies. So when the world suddenly finds that the United States is violating its own supposed standards, well, what does that does that do for their credibility? Not a whole lot.

It's all about fulfilling expectations.

And in the latest public relations fiasco to befall the Americans, one of their helicopters opened up on a wedding party, killing as many as 40 people. The Americans, of course, are saying that someone was shooting at the helicopter. The Iraqis, on the other hand, are saying that it was only celebratory gunfire, as is customary at weddings.

Well, sorry, but that's how we celebrate: By shooting guns into the air! Why, how should we celebrate a wedding? By eating cake!?!? Yeah, right. Don't be stupid.

Anyway, I have it on good authority that the President himself ordered this attack!

The CIA told him it was a gay wedding.