Obviously the people at the BBC have been into the liquor cabinet again. That's the only excuse I can come up with for this list of possible charges against me. And for the record, I'd like to point out that then President Reagan had absolutely no problem with the first two items on the list. Of course, that's because I was going up against Iran, and the United States was still pissed at them over that embassy thing.

And as far as launching scuds against Israel during the first Persian Gulf War, well, IT WAS A FRIKKIN' WAR!!!!!! I mean, my understanding of the concept of war is that it involves weapons!!!! Or did I mess a memo along the way?

And several of the counts mention "torture." Uh, I think the United States should be very careful if it starts dragging up torture charges against me.

At least when I tortured Shiites, I didn't go around pointing at their genitals like on some kind of twisted version of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guard."