Stunning news out of Oslo, Sweden. Or maybe it's Norway. Then again, Oslo could be in Finland. Not that it really matters, though. No one can tell those three apart anyway.

Masked gunmen burst into an art museum and stole Edvard Munch's "The Scream" and Madonna. What the hell is this world coming to, when armed hoodlums can just stroll into respected Swedish art museums--though it could also be respected Norwegian or Finnish art museums--and walk out with famous paintings? What the hell is that about? It's not like we're talking about the Baghdad Museum of Antiquities, which was left wide open to looters because the Americans invaded me with insufficient forces to secure as much as a frikkin' gas station.

No, this particular outrage happened not in the Middle East, but in a civilized part of the world, right next to Scandinavia.... Or maybe it's next to Denmark.... Possibly Holland.... Though it could also be next to the Netherlands. Maybe even Belgium. Doesn't really matter, though. No one can tell them apart either.

Now as far as Madonna is concerned, who cares? She's getting kind of old and probably developing cellulite by now. But if it were Britney Spears, well, then that would be a different matter.

But "The Scream?" That's a world famous painting. What the hell are they going to do with it? Sell it on eBay? It's not like you can hang that one on your living room wall and no one will notice it.

Changing the subject just a bit, what's going on with the Americans' so-called "Dream Team?" They just lost ANOTHER basketball game, this time to Lithuania! Or maybe it was Latvia. Possibly Estonia. No one can tell those three apart anyway.

The Americans are NBA players, for crying out loud!! How can they lose to farmers from Lithuania.... Or Latvia.... Or Estonia? I mean, the Americans invented the damn game!!! Michael Jordan needs to come out of retirement again to straighten these guys out.

And I'll tell you something else right now: If Uday were still around, and he had been coaching the Americans, they would NEVER have lost. Uday knew how to motivate a sports team!