Gosh, has it really been a year since my capture!?! Time really does fly when you're having fun.

To mark the occasion, my captors bought me a cake with candles. I thought it was quite thoughtful and sweet of them. If that surprises you, it really shouldn't. Most of the guards are relieved to be assigned here, instead of patrolling some Allahforsaken corner of Iraq. And I can't say I blame them! It's crazy out there!

I've heard that some of my underlings are on a hunger strike. Well, that's fine by me. I get more to eat that way. Personally though, I've never understood the point of hunger strikes. In fact, lack of adequate nutrition was standard policy in my prisons when I was running things, and on the rare occasions when the inmates did get food, they were so ecstatic, they'd be crawling over one another's bodies trying to get to the crumbs. In fact, on of my favorite gags was to tie a steak to a string and toss into a cell. Then, just as someone would get close and reach out to grab it, I'd yank it away!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Ah, those were the good old days....