Well, here we are on the eve of Iraq's "Free and Open Elections, Provided You Don't Count the Constant Sense of Imminent Death Awaiting Anyone Stupid Enough to Actually Cast a Ballot." Okay, so maybe that's not QUITE how President Bush describes it, but it's certainly more accurate.

The insurgents have been stepping up their attacks on election workers and polling places, so it's unclear how a lot of the idiots who do venture out will vote. Don't you need someone to physically take your ballot, or some sort of building to house the voting booths? And by "building," I mean an actual structure with exterior walls, a roof, and at least one internal room.... As opposed to a pile of smoldering bricks?

In another bit of good news, the occupiers have caught three of Al-Zarqawi's top lieutenants. Now some of you may be wondering why I would consider that to be good news. Well, the fact is, that guy scares the hell out of me! I mean, yeah, I suppose I Should be grateful that he's trying to drive the infidels from my country, but who the hell invited him? It sure wasn't me!

The fact is that my loyalists are perfectly capable of driving the infidels out of Iraq. We don't need help from any outsiders who have their own separate agendas. I'm no fool; Zarqawi is NOT looking to restore me to my rightful place of power. He's another of those religious whackos who wants to set up some sort of Islamic dictatorship like they had in Afghanistan.

So if the occupiers manage to eliminate Zarqawi, that would be great! It would be one less thing for me to have to clean up when I return to power.