Tuesday, March 22, 2005

People sometimes come up to me and say, "Hey, Saddam! Are you looking forward to your trial? What is your legal strategy going to be? Which do you prefer: The electric chair, a firing squad, lethal injection, hanging, or the gas chamber?"

Well, first of all, that question assumes that there's even going to be a trial. There is still too much turmoil in Iraq, and the judges keep getting blown up. But still, I like to plan ahead just in case. So my lawyers will argue that I can't possibly receive a fair trial here because the potential jury pool has been tainted and/or killed. So we'll move to have the proceedings moved to California. And once that happens, I'll be as good as free. California juries never convict anyone, regardless of the evidence. Hell, they let O.J. Simpson off, didn't they? And who was that other, washed-up actor? Robert Blake? He even tried to hire frikkin' hit men to knock off his wife, and he STILL got acquited.

And you just watch: Michael Jackson's going to get off as well, and I don't mean "getting off" from playing with little boys.

In fact, I'm thinking about following Jacko's lead on this by repeatedly showing up late in the courtroom, wearing pajama bottoms to the trial, and crying like a big ol' baby in front of the judge.

On the other hand, if I follow his example too closely, I might get locked up for being a wack job from outer space.

The gas chamber!?! Man, would that be an ironic death or what?