Saturday, March 19, 2005

There are some reports that Al Qaeda terrorists may be training as scuba divers so that they can attack ships. That's gotta be the craziest damn thing I've ever heard--Well, at least since that time Bush gave me 48 hours to get out of Iraq.

Now I have no way of knowing for sure since--as the whole stinkin' world now knows--I don't have a working relationship with Al Qaeda. But I do know middle eastern men, and we just don't do water very well. In fact, if you look at the statistics, 73% of drowning victims are Arab males.

Well, okay, maybe I made that part up. But the truth of the matter is that we don't have a whole lot experience with H2O. I suppose that's to be expected when you live in the middle of a frikkin' desert surrounded on all four sides by more frikkin' desert. Hell, expecting one of us to take up scuba diving makes about as much sense as thinking that Jamaicans can field an Olympic quality bobsled team.

It's also why middle eastern guys only bathe every two months or so. That's almost as rarely as the French. It's also why we all look so swarthy--and it ain't from sun exposure.

So to think that you're going to teach some poor 19 year old sap from Jordan to swim is just plain nuts. Good luck with that. Seriously You're about as likely to convince him to jump into the water as you are to make him want to strap on explosives and voluntarily go blow himself up.

Hmmm.... On the other hand, I guess we're dumb enough to try anything once.