The moment of truth arrives next Thursday: Has Lucas screwed up yet another Star Wars movie, or will this one live up to the glory of the first three? Advance word on the film has certainly been promising. In fact, I have heard that Steve Spielberg actually wept like a baby when he saw a screening of the film.

Personally, I have no plans to behave like a damn sissy. I am too much of a man to cry at movies.... Unless I'm on a date, of course, and think it might impress the chick enough to get me laid.

Well, okay, there have been a couple of exceptions. I did weep like a baby at Terms of Endearment, but give me a break on that one. Debra Winger ends up with cancer, for crying out loud!! I had to go out and gas some Kurds to regain my composure afterwards.

The other film that moved me was the third installment of Matrix. It's not that I found the plot all that moving or anything; it's just that I couldn't believe I wasted my money on that piece of crap.

But I digress....

I am still trying to devise a way to sneak out of here for a few hours and get to a theater to see Revenge of the Sith. Of course, I'll have to be careful on several levels: First, obviously I don't want to get caught. If that happens, the guards may cut off my conjugal visits from the Dixie Chicks. Second and most importantly, I certainly don't want to end up in a theater targeted for wholesale destruction by the insurgents. That would be REALLY embarrassing!

However, I suppose getting blown up wouldn't be quite as bad as, say, waiting in line at the wrong theater!! Did you hear about these guys in Los Angeles? They began lining up a month ago to see the new Star Wars, and turns out they were at the wrong theater!!

You gotta be careful. Bad intelligence will get you in trouble every time!