Why is everyone surprised I didn't show up for today's unjust court proceedings? I said yesterday I was going to boycott today's session, didn't I? Did people think I was bluffing? I never, ever bluff.... Well, except when it comes to pretending I have vast stores of weapons of mass destruction.

So I'm just going to sit around my cell today watching DVD's on this little 7" portable player. Ah, I hear many of you screaming about how outrageous that is!! "Saddam is holding up justice for millions of tortured Iraqi citizens while he watches movies on a little DVD player!!" Now calm down before you pop a vein in your forehead.

The thing is, I wholeheartedly agree with you!! It really is unbelievable, isn't it? I deserve one of those 42" plasma HDTV's!! Not a projection unit, however. Those take up too much room. But one of the smaller ones that will hang on a wall of my cell would be nice. Right across from the metal toilet so I have a place to sit would be perfect. Oh, and let's not forget the surround sound system. One of those little Bose systems would be perfect given the limited amount of space I have to work with.

In fact, the next time I throw a hissy fit in the courtroom about this stupid trial, and not being able to shower on a daily basis, and not having a change of clothes, I think I'll throw in the demand for the TV.... I'll even hold out for a Sony. They're the best. None of that Samsung crap for me.