People seem amused that I still consider myself the legitimate President of Iraq.

Well.... DUH!!!!

A number of other so-called presidents, prime ministers, and "interim authorities" have supposedly run the country over the last three years. None of them have successful; indeed, the entire nation is only slipping further into chaos and anarchy. Besides, those last several Iraqi governments have been more illegitimate than most children born to Hollywood stars.

The unpleasant fact is that I am the only one who has been able to hold this place together. It's time to cut the nonsense and let me restore order.

Only thing is, I will need some mustard gas to bring those damn uppity Shiites back under control. Does anyone know where I can get some? As the whole world now knows, I haven't had any WMD's for at least 12 years now.