Monday, March 24, 2003

Things got really ugly earlier when another bombing knocked out my satellite feed. Ordinarily this wouldn't be a problem, except that it happened halfway through a Sopranos rerun. My phone service was restored earlier today, so I was able to call the cable company. Now if you, dear reader, got a call from Saddam Hussein, you'd stop whatever you're doing and talk to me, right? I said "RIGHT?" No, that was NOT intended as a question....

Anyway, the cable company had the audacity to put ME on hold!!!! Obviously these people had a martyrdom wish!!!! You don't make me spend five minutes of my valuable time listening to a Muzak version of "Yesterday." At least not if you value your life. I ended up sending Chemical Ali down to their offices to straighten out the situation. Ali can be MOST persuasive when he starts pulling out his little vials and spray cans.

So why do I, a well respected world reknown despotic mass murdering dictator, watch the Sopranos? Why, for inspiration, of course! I really identify with that Tony. We tend to solve potential problems the same way: A single gunshot to the back of the head. And while he has his bumbling FBI agent Harris always trying to nail him, I have the equally bumbling Hans Blix to worry about. Or I did, until he went back to Sweden. I should have handcuffed the two of us together when I had the chance.

One important differnce, though, is that Tony and his people waste a lot of time disposing of the remains of their "policy decisions." Me, I prefer to stack my policy decisions in neat piles on street corners. That tends to send a rather clear message to those who would question my judgement.