I continue to be vexed by spammers. Who are these people, and why do they all seem to assume that my "manhood" is too small? I can assure you there is nothing wrong with it. They don't call me the human Scud for nothing, you know. And as for the porn sites.... Well, okay, maybe not ALL spam is bad....

But the fact remains that unwanted and unsolicited emails annoy me to no end. Remember what I did to the Kurds and the Shiites? HA!!! Those atrocities pale in comparison to the horrors I am prepared to unleash upon those who clog my mailbox with ridiculous offers. And clicking those "Remove me from future mailings" links only worsen the situation. Most of those do NOT remove you from any list; they only assure the sender that it is a valid address, thereby subjecting you to even MORE emails. A very deceptive practice, if you ask me. Someone should have Hans Blix look into it.

What am I saying? That dumb Swede couldn't find his butt if it wasn't already attached to the top of his legs!

Anyway, that's why I was pleased to read about a new email service in USAToday (the online edition, of course) that promises to eliminate spam. I have already signed up. This was not easy, though, for the service does cost 807,237,871,093.27 dinars a year (That $9.99 in infidel currency). Money's has been tight since my finance minister, Hikmut Mizban al-Azzawi, was arrested. He was the eight of Diamonds, I believe. And you'll notice that though the invaders are bragging about their many successes, they still aren't holding any aces!

Despite the difficulties involved in raising the necessary ten bucks, I feel that it will be worth it.

So if any of you are feeling brave, and want to risk public humiliation, drop me a note.