Sorry for the interruption, but someone came in to use the bathroom. Can't be tapping away on a keyboard when no one's supposed to know where I am!

But get this: The guy was in here for about 10, 15 minutes doing his "business," then before leaving, he washed his hands!!!!!! How disgusting is that!!!!! Makes me want to puke, but that might give away my location.

Anyway, as I started to say, one of my first orders of business will be to abolish horse racing and replace it with something far more civilized, like camel racing. Now that's a sport!!! One of my favorite ways to relax on my days off from gassing Kurds and Shiites was to head down to the track. Took me a while to get the hang of it, but eventually all my camels were winning. And it only took about 17 management changes at the track to get to that level!

Of course, I'll keep the Kentucky Derby around. It's an annual tradition. But NO HORSES, okay? It will showcase only the finest three year old camels in the empire--MY empire--and they will be ridden by UN inspectors. And instead of calling it the "Run for the Roses," we'll change the name to the "Run for the Weapons of Mass Destruction."